Yesterday, I met three different entities coming from the same society. In the morning was the stereotype I had, by mid it was somebody else who once embodied the stereotype and as the day comes to a close, I met someone whoI find was the complete opposite.
I am never fond of arrogance and the air that people exude as though they have harvested more than enough knowledge to belittle others. Sounds rather mean but the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. They might not know but the effects are clear to others. So in retrospect, I was never really quite fond of that individual essentially. The idea is that he completely checked all the checkboxes in my list.
And then as noon past, I met yet another person from that group. I would considered him to be a reformed character. Yet, I can't shake off the feeling that he still had the remnants of the culture that I detested. In the end, I ended up reticent in the conversation. I tried to stress the idea that he has changed but a part of me did not want to look vulnerable in front of him. But, deep down, I knew he has changed. Just that, so have I. i have changed to become weary when interacting with his kind.
When night falls, I look back at what I have done and to be honest, I regretted it once more. The man during noon was indeed my closest ally. What happened to us? Has the fabricated vision I had of him dissipated? Or rather it was the ramifications of discerning my past?
However, it was during night fall that I met yet another man in this society. He was... different. There's this air in him that wasn't scared to declare his vulnerabilities that had drawn me to extend our conversation. I became frank with him about his society and he concurred. Even justifying that both men are indeed as what I perceived. But then, I clarified to him that he is not the case. No reason was given. No reason was needed.
But as I walked back to my room, I soon realized that the events of today is to prove that stereotyping was neither wrong or right. It protected me from getting hurt. However it did not provide me an avenue for the people of the past to make right what is wrong. It was the man at night fall that brought me to my senses that I need to let my walls down. Don't get me wrong. The man of the night did explain about the man during noon in a manner that was coherent to what perceive him as well. But it was his choice of words, his facial expressions and his gratitude that was the turning point of my perception of his society. He was the exact opposite of the criteria I put forth of people coming from his environment.
He may be an outlier but he existed in that society. I should still give the benefit of the doubt to the man during noon. And as for the man in the morning, I would still keep my walls up. I am afraid that even by close observations, he remained just as he is; a prime example of my stereotype.
I learnt that in Psychology that you can't help but to have prejudice. It revolves the idea that we, humans want to belong to a group and the idea is that we would view our group to be of the best breed. Why? Ego and self worth. The thing is, I would also indeed view my group to be superior than others. And then I asked myself yet again another question, if I have this strong out-group stereotyping towards other, I should have an equal if not greater in-group favoritism to some. Then, what is my in-group?
All this while, I have always thought that I was an individual and that I do not need to belong to a group. However, the so-called individualism that I had going in my head was flawed. I want to know where i belong. I need to feel that I belong. And the idea that I would jump ever so easily if I knew some people shared some of the virtues as I did further proves how deprived I am of this need that I want.
However, as I realized yet again, what is natural in human beings does not necessarily makes us more humane. This event would be a reminder for me not to act as such. I know in life I would be reminded yet again of how the stereotype that I harbor needs to be loosen just a bit so. And maybe next time when I see the man during noon, I would be much more kinder.
And as for the man in the morning? I'll be honest. I don't think I could let my walls down ever so easily. However, just like today, life will send me a reminder to give him a chance.
But what if I'm wrong? Then I'll learn. No matter how much pain he would inflict, I cannot bear the cost of him not being able to reconcile with his past just because I refuse to give him a second chance. At least, for now.
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