In the process of reconciling

Well, these couple of days was rather eventful. I faced the demons and the repercussions weren't as bad as I thought it would be. However, I will be remaining prudent for the current time being. Though, with facing the past, I have found things that are not I hoped would not have come up. It's as though returning to a broken Wonderland. However, at times, it is also as though as returning to a more serene Verona.

Wonderland was definitely amazing. It taught me to hope and do what's right even though realistically it will not happen.Though Wonderland was a painful world to live in. And I've come to terms to yet again another part of life; denying or fighting back takes up a lot of energy. The Greeks considered Hope to be one of the cruel personifications in Pandora's Pithos (using the correct term here). Hope prolongs suffering. But is the idea that with Hope and not without it, you can achieve the things that you desire the most as you believe in that possibility to happen. Living in Wonderful had made life difficult to the point that I almost vowed to not be the same persona I was in Wonderland.

That all changed when I became home. The Verona I left was filled with loose ends. And with my optimism drained from my stay in Wonderland, I thought that things would be worse by me not even participating in the life I once had. I was wrong. Due to my bleak perception, Verona seems better in comparison to Wonderland. Guilt swallowed me whole but it was the pride that manifested inside of me. I denied my past even more. I denied both Wonderland and Verona due to the inability to evoke that sense of longing in both places.

But now, as I've said I am reconciling. And to be honest, it is gut-wrenching yet liberating to know that they want to maintain the same intimacy I had with them. Wonderland became real and more hospitable without having to mentally strain myself. Verona thrives as the I increasingly accept and participate in it.

But again, this is all but the first impact. The fear of the implications of relapsing is enough to drive me to go down this path. I know this path is right because I have never felt so at peace. The baggage is definitely weighing less.