No one could ever love me like the way you did

“No one will ever love you the way I did.” That was your final words before you publicly humiliated me by splashing that glass of water in my face. But I knew you have felt just as humiliated as well.  

At first thought, perhaps you were right. You definitely wanted to leave a void when I told you that we needed to end it. You definitely wanted me to feel regret and pain for being the one that made the decision.

And you’re right. You were always right. And even after I found someone new, you’re still right. No one will ever love me like the way you did. And she will never be anything like you.

She didn't expect anything out of me like you. The only expectation she has is on herself. She expects that she herself would need to understand what I hold dear. She did not expect me to get to know her. She did things that I wanted to do. I never even knew how she managed to know. It was different from the way you love me. At first, I did not know how to respond to such intricacy. I was taken aback and tried to hide my feelings of astonishment. I did not want her to know that I do not hold the knowledge not the ability to reciprocate towards such manner. However she knew. And she taught. She realized the awkward and unexpected gestures I did. And as the days go by, the actions that I felt awkward, now felt natural as though it became habitual or instinct.

She fixed me to become hopeful again. I did not understand how. She was doing her own thing, at the same time I have always felt included. She treated me like how she wanted me to be treated. I don’t know how but it may just be me over-exaggerating but there were some things she was saving for me and whenever I am alone with her, I don’t feel us being shallow.

She tried to play my guitar for my birthday for me. Although she only strummed when changing chords, it struck me as rather thoughtful that she would spend some of her time to just do that for me. She inspired me to do more out of love. She holds this idea that “if love was indeed ever-growing, why aren't we growing or learning as much to compensate the size of our love”.

She thought me how to love another way. Another way that did not made me feel sick or belittled. Another way that made me felt that I was doing enough but motivated me to do more. She taught me in the importance of appreciation. And when we went shopping, she wouldn't just shop for us but also for the people that I love; my parents. That made shopping much more interesting for me. She taught me that as much as doing something for me is fulfilling, it is even more fulfilling to extend that privilege to the people around you especially to your loved ones.

And yet the only thing she asks of me is to never stop loving. And yet, I wept every night with her just as much as with you. Both of you made me feel inadequate and ungrateful. You two were polar opposites yet I am left with tears and an unrest body. But it was different. This time, I can feel that my heart was smiling while the tears were rolling. This time, I felt that I could always ameliorate the pain without breaking down as much.

My dear, honestly, no one can ever love me the way that you did. And frankly speaking, I haven’t missed it one bit. I hope you find someone else that shares the same love as you can. There’s no exact way of loving a person. Unfortunately, I cannot spend my whole life justifying your acts out of love. Because I am afraid that one day I may resent the whole idea of love itself. Call me a coward or anything you want, clearly you deserve more than me. But know that I am just as much human as just as much deserving for a love that I long for.

Because clearly, no one can ever love me the way you ever did. Especially not her.