I don't know whether he will ever read this emotional catharsis. But it doesn't matter. The fact is, that may be the last time I will be able to see him.
My friends would say that I am over-reacting at a major scale. How can someone you barely meet up have so much meaning in the reckless decisions you make? The only word for it would be regret.
I have never had any conversation much like the one I had with him. During the times of loneliness layered under a thick sense of optimism, he was the very few that caught my attention. Arrogant, pompous and downright haughty, he is the embodiment of everything I despise. However, there is one quality that could neutralise such acidic personality; selflessness. it is okay I guess for you to own an inordinate amount of self confidence so long as your belief or rather fight for something that is noble.
Because in life, as we mature, the vices that we own are removed from our system and the virtues that have shaped our whole being becomes purer and better. And that's what happened. Over the span of one year, this man has found heaven in hell on Earth. I met with him very few during the year. He has always been a recluse. Though I was privileged enough to actually have part of my heart stolen and finally the whole chunk of it. Because though our meetings were scarce, it showed me the saddening beauty of mankind. People change. The reason is that we learn to accept new things and let go of old ones. Soon, I will become old and just like an outdated form of technology, I will be replaced with a newer form that is capable of propelling him to another platform.
But I shouldn't be sad. As an advocate for education and the ability to develop one self, I need to be able to face the faults in my belief. That change, inevitable, should be an acceptable form of loss. And I did. Did I felt it was enough? No. Did any words that I say or any gestures I would do would ever suffice? No. Because no matter how much you plan on purging those emotions, it will never be enough. And I guess, it is better this way. To be left wanting.
His flight would be making its way to the runway now. I haven't even bought him a single gift. All those empty promises made at the terminal will now forever just be as it is. Empty.
And towards the end, just as I am about to give him one last hug, I held it tighter than I ever had. Because the person I saw before me right ta that very instance will forever be gone. And there is no way I could ever see the same person ever again. I will have to start over.
We weren't the closest of friends. He didn't know an awful lot and so did I. But we knew enough. We knew that we had to do something in this society. We knew that we need to think better. We knew that good people are hard to find in this world. We knew that we should always listen twice as much as we speak. And we know how we should help best each other.
He was grateful that I came to the airport. I was grateful he even acknowledged my entire existence. And as I faced a crossroad whereby our paths have diverged, I just have to properly send you off in order for me to find solace and closure. At least, trying to.
Thanks Irvin. May you be safe throughout this journey.
