And then I realized one thing that is causing this block. How can one reflect on things done when one does not do things?
So over the weekend, I have engaged in a volunteer session. I thought it would be a closing of the chapter of my exchange whereby everything became full circle again.
Unfortunately it left with even more questions still unresolved. And to make matters worse, I became very worrisome. I wished I could check up on them. I wished I could be the single person to say that it's going to be okay. However they don't need me. They only needed themselves.
I have become so intimate that it sound so ridiculous to be caring so much for the kids that I barely remember their names. It wouldn't be enough for me to just merely wish them well or even pray that they will turn out fine. But that is all I could muster at this hour.
I don't want them to suffer as much. I don't them to be lost. And I don't want them to feel alone. However, by saying all those things, it means that I don't want them to grow. And that is certainly unacceptable.
I can tell you a few things though, the eyes carry a lot of weight in the stories they told. They hide a thousand stories, yet afraid to be brought upon daylight due to judgement, fear and ego. Because I still have those eyes. Tired, deep and sunken.
People assume. They don't admit it. But they do. But it is not all bad. It's just that you will only realize your assumption is wrong when everything is too late. You realized that the person you thought you once knew drifting away from you were merely assumptions. The kid that you have fostered for 18 years but slowly misunderstanding his point? Assumptions again. The only way to assume right is to have perfect knowledge of the past and future. And how wonderful our situation is to be lacking both criteria?
Someday they will realize it, just have I. They will realize that they have grown so much. Some even more rapid than I could possibly imagined. They will constantly question their beliefs to the point on being a cynic. They will adapt. They will thrive; becoming better individuals who are stronger and wiser. And one fine morning, they will come across yet another crossroad; either to go back to the glorious days of the past, or move on down to the uncertainty of the future whereby the possibility of the world remain limitless.
I don't envy your position. However, we are all treading a similar path with different destinations. One thing I would say is this. Consistently remain sanguine despite the arduous and onerous path that you are taking. Hope is the only evil that remains in Pandora's Box. It prolongs pain and suffering. Hope can only be released with permission, thus ending one's suffering. But know that despite all of that, Hope is the only thing that could drive you out from the desolate place you are in.
And as I rest uneasy to ponder on the fate of my 'adik', I realized that I was in turn closing a chapter of my life.
However, the thing about chapters is that for you to go to the next page, the newer chapter can't help but to be related to the previous ones. This will definitely not be the last time I will see them. But when our paths crossed once again, I hope it would be the privilege of you teaching me the knowledge you have gained from when we last part.
Unfortunately it left with even more questions still unresolved. And to make matters worse, I became very worrisome. I wished I could check up on them. I wished I could be the single person to say that it's going to be okay. However they don't need me. They only needed themselves.
I have become so intimate that it sound so ridiculous to be caring so much for the kids that I barely remember their names. It wouldn't be enough for me to just merely wish them well or even pray that they will turn out fine. But that is all I could muster at this hour.
I don't want them to suffer as much. I don't them to be lost. And I don't want them to feel alone. However, by saying all those things, it means that I don't want them to grow. And that is certainly unacceptable.
I can tell you a few things though, the eyes carry a lot of weight in the stories they told. They hide a thousand stories, yet afraid to be brought upon daylight due to judgement, fear and ego. Because I still have those eyes. Tired, deep and sunken.
People assume. They don't admit it. But they do. But it is not all bad. It's just that you will only realize your assumption is wrong when everything is too late. You realized that the person you thought you once knew drifting away from you were merely assumptions. The kid that you have fostered for 18 years but slowly misunderstanding his point? Assumptions again. The only way to assume right is to have perfect knowledge of the past and future. And how wonderful our situation is to be lacking both criteria?
Someday they will realize it, just have I. They will realize that they have grown so much. Some even more rapid than I could possibly imagined. They will constantly question their beliefs to the point on being a cynic. They will adapt. They will thrive; becoming better individuals who are stronger and wiser. And one fine morning, they will come across yet another crossroad; either to go back to the glorious days of the past, or move on down to the uncertainty of the future whereby the possibility of the world remain limitless.
I don't envy your position. However, we are all treading a similar path with different destinations. One thing I would say is this. Consistently remain sanguine despite the arduous and onerous path that you are taking. Hope is the only evil that remains in Pandora's Box. It prolongs pain and suffering. Hope can only be released with permission, thus ending one's suffering. But know that despite all of that, Hope is the only thing that could drive you out from the desolate place you are in.
And as I rest uneasy to ponder on the fate of my 'adik', I realized that I was in turn closing a chapter of my life.
However, the thing about chapters is that for you to go to the next page, the newer chapter can't help but to be related to the previous ones. This will definitely not be the last time I will see them. But when our paths crossed once again, I hope it would be the privilege of you teaching me the knowledge you have gained from when we last part.
